Wrapping Up

[00:00:00]
>> Tom: Cuz, I wonder where is that line of being authentic but staying positive, like for an engineer trying to get the first-time role. Cuz to be honest, it is like all doom and gloom, but nobody, you can only say it. Or hear it for so long before it's like, yeah, everybody knows that, and it does suck, but okay [LAUGH].

[00:00:27]
>> Francesca Sadikin: Yeah, it's interesting you asked that because I definitely know what you're talking about, especially in public platforms. When engineers feel really, really frustrated, and then it turns into anger at their situation. They talk about it with that full anger and on public platforms like LinkedIn, and it doesn't reflect well, right?

[00:00:52]
It's really bad, I do not suggest you do that [LAUGH]. So, don't do that in public platforms but I think being authentic doesn't mean fully ranting about it. But you could see if someone wanted to hear a bit more, I guess you could open up if they're giving you clues that they do want to hear about it, right?

[00:01:20]
Like how tough.
>> Tom: [LAUGH]
>> Francesca Sadikin: Is not an emotion, [LAUGH] I'd love to hear a little bit more. So, I think you can wait for the other person's cues to see if they do want to hear a little bit more about you. It's a two-way street, yeah.
>> Tom: Okay.

[00:01:37]
>> Francesca Sadikin: What do you think, think about that? How was this exercise for you guys? I know it was a little hard.
>> Tom: I enjoyed the communication exercise more than I initially thought I would. But now I'm thinking about how I'll remember to try and get to the emotions and try and get the person to talk about their feelings.

[00:01:59]
When I'm in the moment and in a conversation which is like all new habits that we try and pick up but do you have any tips for that?
>> Speaker 2: You got an acronym?
>> Tom: [LAUGH].
>> Francesca Sadikin: I just remember my glacier, [LAUGH], diagram just like emotions deep, but I think when you feel like you've connected with someone, and then you have a conversation with somebody else, and it's all about what, what, what, what?

[00:02:27]
You'll feel it, you can feel it, you're like, I don't feel like I'm actually getting to know this person [LAUGH]. Like I don't actually know who this person is, and I think when you sense that inside of yourself, that's your clue to wait, what was I am supposed to ask about again?

[00:02:44]
Let me see if I can try to deepen it a little bit. Just turn the conversation a little deeper.
>> Tom: And I guess when I'm in a conversation where it's just, what, what, what, I run out of what's.
>> Francesca Sadikin: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
>> Tom: Sometimes it's pretty quick, you run on conversation just ends.

[00:03:01]
But maybe if I can see that as the opportunity to start asking the why, and then the feeling, yeah.
>> Francesca Sadikin: Going from wise to emotions will help you a little bit, yeah.
>> Tom: Yeah.
>> Francesca Sadikin: Yeah, go ahead.
>> Speaker 2: I have my own personal anecdote when it comes to his question about realism, or pessimism versus optimism.

[00:03:25]
I feel I struggle with this all the time, so what I end up doing is I go to what I'd say, like the pit of despair, which is the worst possible thing that could happen. And I just sit with that and what lessons can I draw from that, what's the plan?

[00:03:41]
If this horrible thing actually happened, what would be the plan? And somehow putting a plan in place helps me then turn to the positive and say, okay, if I work really hard day after day after day, then maybe these positive things can happen. But they don't happen if I don't, but somehow putting the plan in place for the negative side helps me sort of ground that.

[00:04:05]
Okay, I do have an option if these bad things do happen, I do have things that I can do. And the reality is it never goes usually to the worst-case scenario, but I think it's like stoicism or something, you have to be realistic that bad things can happen.

[00:04:22]
And you have to plan for them accordingly, but if they don't, obviously you can keep going towards the positive, going towards the things that could potentially happen. If you work hard at it and I think those positive things do end up happening, it just usually takes a lot longer than you think.

[00:04:42]
And so, you do have to have a realistic plan in place to keep working towards those bigger things. So, I don't know if that helps at all, but you're sitting with the bad thing, drawing a plan, okay? But then pursuing the positive things day to day, you're not dwelling on or not worried about it every single night going to bed.

[00:05:06]
That makes sense, I don't know.
>> Tom: And speaking on that I can relate to sometimes I'm just instantly honest with people, and so sometimes people will just ask how's it going. And sometimes I might just offer something that's very real and they weren't ready for that. So, I'm trying to suss that out now because I wanna be genuine and sometimes I'm going through a hard time.

[00:05:37]
But sometimes people, they aren't interested, they just want to hear, good, and it's just kind of a cordial, friendly thing.
>> Francesca Sadikin: Well, then you'll know now that you're like, well, not with this person [LAUGH].
>> Tom: Yeah [LAUGH].
>> Speaker 2: They learn their lesson.
>> Tom: [LAUGH]
>> Francesca Sadikin: So, we covered a lot today, so we're gonna wrap up and reflect on the key takeaways overall.

[00:06:00]
We started by discussing how to prepare effectively as software engineers, from delivering quickly writing maintainable code and using test. We also touched on handling task execution problems and preparing for promotions. But hopefully, you saw that preparational loan is not enough, we also talked about seizing opportunities to accelerate your growth by building relationships of trust.

[00:06:25]
By caring about others and understanding how your work impacts them, you become a more effective engineer. So, as we conclude today, remember, combining thorough preparation with intentional relationship building, with all of this, you can now truly own your success. It's not just about the technical skills as a software engineer.

[00:06:48]
Adding empathy and care really makes us truly impactful and successful as software developers. Thank you for going on this journey with me, it's been a pleasure.
>> [APPLAUSE]